Alone in a sea of people. Part of the crowd but singled out as not belonging. The only triangle in the sea of stars. Close enough to think that you might fit but just not close enough. At first glance they except you because of your points but then they realize that you do not fit the mold. This is the story of my life. I am alone even when we are at a party. I get along as long as they don't look to close. Tonight we went to a BBQ and there were 4 couples. Tucker and I, Wes and Katie, Wes and Shawna, and Austin and Bev. I don't know why but I felt like I didn't have the golden ticket to get into the club. I was tolerated but not accepted. I feel like they only tolerate me because I am Tuckers wife. I hate feeling like I am in the way. I am so lonely. I always feel like I am alone no matter who is around. I feel like I am the wrong shape and they all know it. I don't know if it is that I don't have any kids or that I haven't been married as long but they subtly let me know that I am not a star. There is a song that Morgen used to play all the time it is called One Lone Melody by Michael McLean. This song describes how I feel all the time. It is about a melody that doesn't know where it belongs. It wants to know why it isn't like all of the others. It asks Where do I belong and who it is. I wish that i could answer these questions for myself. Some day I know that I will know these answers but for now I just feel lost all of the time. I feel like all I ever ask Heavenly Father is Tell me where I belong is there a place for me. I feel like I must be doing something wrong to stand out as badly as I do. I just wish that I could find all the other triangles.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
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2 comments:
Oh, Jade, my sweet, Jade. You are so loved by many! They just didn't happen to all be at that stupid BBQ!
I do know how you feel- I have felt it so many times in my life. Just know that it isn't you- it's them. And you will one day have a group that fits YOU and not you fitting them. How do I know? Because I finally found it myself.
Until then- please know that you are the love of Tucker's life, the apple of his familiy's eye, the heart of our famly and the shining star above MY head! I love you!
I wish I could give you the biggest sister hug of all!! This is the closest to it ---> ((((((((((HUG))))))))))
... Jade is thought to provide protection from one's enemies and can be used to protect one on long journeys. It is also used to attract good luck, it is used for wisdom, for long life...
... In ancient China and ancient Egypt it was widely used as a talisman to attract good fortune, friendship and loyalty.
Oh Sweet-Pea! We all have our moments! We all have that time! Know that your kind heart, loving ways, and beauty will always set you apart from others. Know that you are the perfect half to Tuckers whole! You are not just a star! You are an amazing star.
We often feel as though we don't fit in... but give it some time. You may not yet have all of the pieces to this puzzle! And it could be that... some people don't have the ability put the puzzle pieces together!
This is your journey, make it everything you want it to be!
Shine baby girl! Shine! Your beauty shows through inside and out!- Tiffany
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